Love and loss

A time of loss might seem like a counterintuitive time to feel an increase in love. In my limited experience, I have found if you allow it love will come pouring into your life and your heart when you  need it the most. Friends you might have lost touch with or who have allowed busy schedules to get in the way will try to reach out to you. One of the surprising side effects of grief is the realization of just how many people love you. Cameron and I have received an increase of love and support from those closest to us over the past few weeks. We have literally been lifted up by the thoughts and prayers of those who care.

After agonizing about how to proceed with the memorial we finally decided to keep it small and sweet-just like our dear Asher. We invited just a handful of family and friends and spent one very chilly morning remembering our little boy in the best way we could. Overall, I did better than I thought I would. I was concerned I might be the hysterical woman in the front row, but instead I was able to fight back the tears and say a few words about our little boy.

For those of you who were unable to attend here is a little bit of what I said:

The best way to describe this whole experience is to look at the definition of Asher. Asher means fortunate, happy and blessed.

We feel fortunate we were able to open our hearts, make room for another person in our lives and experience all the joys associated with bringing a little one into this world.

We feel happy we were able to feel his kicks, hear his heart beat and eventually hold him in our arms.

We feel blessed that Asher joined our family and is righteous and valiant enough to return back to our Heavenly Father so soon.

One of my favorite personal touches in the memorial was this flower arrangement. I am certain hardly anyone knew or noticed, but this was a recreation of one of the arrangements we had at my grandfather, Charles' memorial a couple years ago. Since Charles is Asher's middle name, it only seemed fitting to incorporate him somehow.

In honor of Asher we are working with Teeny Tears to make a difference in the lives of families with stillborns.